Getting there....

Trying to write some song lyrics for my friend who has started a band called Sparkey. Here's what I came up with and some of the rhymes are cringeworthy but I thought they were funny! Enjoy!!

Why?

Opened my heart to you

Thought you were true

Why do I try

When you turn 'round and lie

Why did you do it?

Blatant and twisted?

Why did you do it?

How did I miss it?

-----

Chorus:

Blind to the fact

You kept me on track

Why did you go?

Was I just too much work

for you?

Why did you lie?

Left me here to cry

On my own,

An empty home

Why did you lie?

-----

Where are you now

the man about town

spreading your words

and being absurd

How could you throw

What we had to the wall

Make me feel small

Did you need me at all?

-----

chorus

-----

Just turn it away

Save your lies for another day

All the trust is gone

I can't cary on

Why did you lie, lie, lie

Why did you lie, lie, lie

Repeat verse one and chorus to end

Yup pretty cheesy stuff.

More? Oh God I'll never live it down...

Down

It's the choices that you make,

The drama you create brining you

down, down down

You won't make it on your own

Babe, your covers blown

Your going down down down

Chorus

Once upon a time

In a land of make believe

there was love, there was life

babe there was you and me

Once upon a time

As we live and breathe

There was you there was me

But now were going down

Going down babe, going down

--------

------

So when your playing your games,

Playing in your head

Your fucking with the enemy,

Your sleeping with the dead

Babe, your broken down

Your taking us down, down down

Bringing us down, down,down.

------

chorus

------

Stop bringing us down to hell

Stop chasing you will never find us

Chaos retreats back into it's shell

And we all turn to dust.

Ashes to ashes

Dust to dust

Repeat Chorus to fade

I don't understand....

I don't get it.

Why don't people listen to each other?

Aren't we here solely for the purpous of communication

It's worth making that effort sometimes just to let your guard down and let someone listen to you. If you need an ear, even if it's something trivial, it's good to let someone in.

I don't understand people, people don't understand me. But it's always fun to try.

Music Rocks My World!

I'm probably the first to admit that my taste in music is really bizzare. I listen to anything and everything, but like all other people I have my favourites. I'm a firm believer in music reciprocates a person's mood. Loud thrashy music helps you clear your angst, soulful rhytmic music makes you chill. Having a bit of a scoot about last night, I was going to write about cars today but decided instead to give everyone a music lesson and a bit of poetry from my RP blog. So here goes. Here's what you should listen to in chronological order:

Medieval: 1150:1400 AD

Should listen to some Landini if feeling really stressed. Any vocal chant or choral. WARNING gets repetitive on the ears after a while and you will feel like taking a cliff dive-not joking-.

Reneissance: 1400:1600 AD

Composing takes a turn for the adventurous. Music is still based around the secular as most composers compose for the Roman catholic church around this time. Composers start experimenting, goes hand in hand with the art and building of the period. Recommended composers and music here:

Byrd: Mass for 4 voices gives me chills!

Palestrina: Missa Papae Marcelli; Missa aeterna Christi munera

Lobo: Missa pro defunctis / Cardoso: Missa pro defunctis

Tallis: Mass for Four Voices; Motets I love love love Thomas Tallis!

Victoria: Missa O magnum mysterium; Missa O quam gloriosum / A. Lobo: Versa est in luctum

Again the madrigal feel can be a bit too secular for some. Use with caution!

Baroque 1600:1750 AD

This is when music starts to get sexy! Composers break from the church and start rocking the worlds socks off by doing their own thing! This is probably my favourite period in music as you can tell composers were excited about what they were writing and it was all new to them and the virgin ears of the common people. It must have been revolutionary like Elvis in the 50's!! Here lies the birthplace of the Symphony, the Sonata and the Opera as we know it.

I recommend

Handel-water music, the arrival of the queen of sheeba, Zadok the priest (footy fans will know this)

Bach-anything he's lush I was married to this moody man in a former life methinks

Scarlatti-special mentions for his Tocatta series

Henry Purcell-I love the fairy queen just because I wanted to be her

Vivaldi-the four seasons

Classical 1750-1830 AD

I only really like 2 composers from this era. Sorry I know there are droves and droves of classical composers, but only two of them make sense to my ears:

Mozart-Requiem, Jupiter symphony (wow is all I can say), All the piano concerti (And I mean all of them!!)

Haydn-Love his nocturnes, and opuses

If I was pushed I would also say Emmannuell but the afore named two just dominated the Classical Era.

Early Romantic 1830-1860 AD

This is where the drama kicks in. Great, great period for Music. And loads of composers you should recognise, some may sound a bit obscure but I bet that the music has been used in ad campaigns all over the world.

I recommend

Beethoven-Symphony no.5, Moonlight Sonata, Christ on the mountain of Olives, All the canons particularly Oh Tobias, and of course his Requiem

Schubert-can be a bit sickly but persevere!! Winterreise is my favourite incedentally here we so far have one deaf man and one man who died of Syphillis!

Mendlesohnn- Only because I have played so much of his work myself. All his piano/clavi Concerti are gorgeous.

Chopin-please listen to the préludes. Theyre amazing.

Late Romantic era 1860-1920 AD

Ok everyone went bonkers here. Great works, massive inspirational pieces and mostly soppy lovey stuff too!!

I love

Wagner-I <3 class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_45">Tristian and Isolde for ever!

Brahms: Symphony No. 2 ; Hungarian Dances

Brahms: Symphonies Nos. 1-4; Tragic Overture; Haydn Variations; Academic Festival Overture; Serenades Nos. 1 & 2

Dvořák: Slavonic Dances, Symphony No. 9 'New World'; Symphonic Variations

Grieg: Peer Gynt, Suites Nos. 1and 2

Holst: The Planets; Suite de Ballet

Puccini: Tosca

Ravel: Boléro; Daphnis et Chloé; Ma mère l'oye

Rachmaninov: Piano Concerto No. 2; Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini (powerful stuff)

Tchaikovsky: Capriccio Italien; 1812 Overture; Romeo and Juliet Overture; Marche Slave

Modern 1920-

Gershwin, Gershwin Gershwin and a bit of Elgar thrown in for good measure

Classical-done!

Modern-here is what I have on my MP3 at the moment

Alexisonfire, fivefinger death punch, Avenged sevenfold, Metallica, Foo fighters, Kings of Leon, the doors, the script, the editors, Franz ferdinand, the animals, The lost prophets, safetysuit, Kazabian, Adele, Spoon, Muse, Pendulum and finally the kaizer cheifs....random? Yes. That's right. That's just me!

Right poems. Taken off my RP blog:

Betrayal.......

I stand here, on my own,

Not moving, not blinking,

but alone.In a new City, I'm calling a home.

The truth I laid out there

For all too see,

too hard to bear

Burns under my skin.

-------

You think me a child,

That I have no clue

I accepted your lies, so cold

Expecting YOU to be true.

-------

I took every moment

and locked them away

Truth turned to ashes

In the cold light of day

I left for some Soul Searching

To know my own love

To return stronger than before

Only to return to ultimate betrayal

What did I do to deserve such heartbreak?

------

So now I stand where I began

I have no resilience

No more fight to battle

In this dalliance.

I cannot compete,

Or fall at your feet

The one who betrayed me so easily

-----

I won't let it break me

But I cannot heal

The ghosts you stirred in me

That day-they were real

You took what you wanted-what I would not give

With time, I would have been yours

-----

I look to the City,

And know your both there

Both happy together, you think I don't care?

Because I took time out to know my own heart

Your games and your tortures

It tore me apart

=====

What?

Through the darkness

And pain of despair,

Rejection engulfs me

When you are not there

The rivers of heartache

Grew dark with that loss

But rocks under water

They gather no moss

-----

It's onwards were moving

Away from my heart

Who ripped me to pieces

And tore me apart

It left me to gather

Those pieces alone

To keep myself worthy

My heart turned to stone

-----

And now in the twilight

Sun loosing the fight

I'll wait once again

For the weak breaking light

The stars dazzle gaily

Amidst the crisp air

The realisation-Will you ever be there?

-----

For you love another

So torn from the start

You dazzled me quickly

And ran with my heart

So now, I repair it

and try to be free

Here in the twilight

There is only me

-----

Taking without asking

Does my heart feel shame

My conscience full of guilt?

Like a friendship gone wrong

This pain is felt

No my love

Not the pain that brings sorrow

But the pain

That gives birth to all my tomorrows

-------

Shame for doubting love to be so true

Love had failed me

Until the day that I met you

Heartbreak, infidelity

An irreconcilable difference

Misconceptions, no trust

Happiness without the resemblance

Sorrow for all who do not know heart's satisfaction

Sharing a love that ignores this world's distractions

-----
Guilt like I have found a buried treasure

Or the fountain of youth

My future shines bright

And I am not in need of reproof

Each day reveals the idiosyncrasy of the need for love

Pure, without blemish

-----
The symbol of a flying white dove

I love who you are

Not who you feel you need to be

You are my guiding force

Forever my love’s destiny

Silence

Silence engulfs her once screaming night

She sits biting at the withered skin

that gathers around the edges of her nails

Shards of icy tingles haunt her spine

while she reflects upon her past

-----

Her legs shake when she gets nervous

so she digs her teeth hard into her tongue

to focus on something else.

Wet flesh rolling in a dumb stupor,

she knows what she wants to say

It is trying to claw its way out from inside her

but her lips remain padlocked

-----
No wetness softens her cheeks

She’s numbEyes wide

Pupils dilatedShe just stares,

at nothing she stares,

no story in her eyes just an etched in look of grief

-----

Motionless she sits,

doesn’t know how long she has been there

or how long until she can move again

She just sits paralysed by the

silence

=====

Had I known

Had I Known I would have loved you then.

Had I known, I would have asked less questions...

Followed my heart a little more.

Had I known one day you'd be gone,

and I couldn't show you anymore.

I'd have lived each moment as if it were the last.

Remember every word... not let time go by so fast.

But I was wrapped in my own image, afraid to let it show,

But now I wish I loved you.

-----

Why couldn't I know that you would leave me,

and I'd be caught in the past.

In the moments I could have changed,

the times that were your last.

I would have lived a lifetime in a few short days.

Instead I have a few brief moments, that I let my heart show.

Memories of a love that I refused to know,

until it was almost too late.

Then it was over, and I was all alone.

In a daze, I wonder......

Did you know I loved you all along?

=====

Paths

Would things have really been so different

Would the world really have been so shaken

If when I were a much younger

I had chosen the road not taken

-----

Would the days have been any the brighter

Or the nights darker than they are

Would I still have lived in such obscurity

Or shined brighter than any star

-----

It does little good to wonder

Of things that might have been

For who, and what I have become

I must live with in the end

Though life could have been much better

-----

All in all I do not feel forsaken

I count the blessings that I have

And cry not of the road not taken

Computers Make me go grrrr A LOT

I try so hard to keep up with any new IT developments but since my Macbook has gone to get fixed and I'm using a PC again (and spending a fair few hours on it too blogging, playing and just generally making a nuisance of myself). I am an avid fan of all things Macintosh and since I have been using this darn PC (it's a Dell-hoorah for Dell) I have lost apps, have memory issues, loose photographs. In fact it's crap. I've been saying that word lots and lots this last week. Perhaps it's due to being spoilt to the point of never ever going back to a PC. Roll on getting my Mac back (see rhyming and not even trying) I miss you sleek little black one :(

Hurting Poetry

Writing is a good way of dealing with depression. I suppose that there are billions of us out there under twenty and going through similar stuff, it's just I write things down. It's a good way of getting the thoughts out of my head. If any of this stuff touches you, or strikes a chord with you anywhere, then my work is done, my goal has been reached. If any of you would like to talk about it leave a comment or if you want to talk about any of your issues email me direct at bethanpyrs@gmail.com. I am not a councillor of any sorts but I know what it's like to hit bottom and not being able to pick up where you left off. If you just need an ear. Mail me. So here goes. More demony stuff for you.

Thousand Pieces

I'm on my knees, falling so raw

A thousand pieces of me fall to the floor

My heart in the corner just under the sink

My body is numb, I don't know what to think.

A moment ago I was lost in embrace

Just looking at kindness, a smile on your face

I'm trying to work out what happened from there

Trying to breathe now, I sit in the chair.

-----

Your sweeping the floor now, and laughing at me

Telling me what went on-that I didn't see

And all the while I'm listening, wandering, surreal

Is this the way it's really meant to feel?

My cheeks burn, My eyes wet

My legs want to run, I pray to forget

I'm trying to work out what happens from here

My ears are on fire, I'm not moving through fear.

------

You kiss the top of my head, it sincere as it feels

And talk about fresh starts and making deals

Another small part of me falls to the floor

I steady myself and I walk to the door

I don't understand what your doing to me-

I don't get what keeps me here I should be free.

But on and on the circle goes,

Where it stops no one knows

------

What keeps me bound as you pick me up

And glue me back together?

What makes you want to know as your

piecing me up like a jigsaw?

What makes you the master and

me the fuckup?

And why does no one see me cry

In a thousand little pieces?

-----x-----

Deceived

In a veil, sheltered so warm

Buffered in darkness, she weathers the storm

Crashing around her brings her to her knees

Not knowing who's honest she turns, she flees

And in that surrender she looses herself.

Turning, Running,

Grabbing, Grasping

Falling

------

Around her the world turns,She burns

Unknowing not throwing her caution to the wind,turns

Trusting, laying her life and soul on the line

To those who believe themselves better and fine

And in that surrender she cheats herself

Begging, Trusting

Telling, Learning

Falling

-----

Towards a friend she sees a bright hope

A way to release, a way she can cope.

But the friend is truly a foe in disguise

Who rips her to shreds, analytical eyes

Prying and probing so again she flees

Running, Sobbing

Hurting, Harming

Falling

-----

Enveloped between shelter and pain

She covers the hurt and walks through the rain

Stuck in between a group who seems false

She dances elegantly in the macabre waltz

Being double crossed as she goes

Tripping, Crying

Chained, Escaping

Falling

-----x-----

After reading some of this work you probably think I am really dark. I'm not I'm an ok person unfortunately when I write this is what comes from my pen-sorry!

Rules and Regulations

Your waiting for me to say that rules are there for being broken, right? Well unfortunately I'm going to say the opposite about some rules. In general i.e. sports they are there to protect the individual and the team and to ensure fair play. In life some of them are there to burden us relentlessly but some of them are there to help us through. These are my golden 3 so to speak. I do try and stick by some of them most of the time but as everyone knows were only human.

1. Treat others as you want to be treated yourself

In other words be a bitch if you want to, but don't expect to be treated like a friend when you need something in return.There are plenty of people out there who seem to think they can step on people because they are quiet or shy. There are also plenty of people who enjoy the drama and want to be the centre of attention all the time. I'll settle for being in the supporting role and being the one who runs around after everyone else. See I'm already taking a back seat at things! I tend to shy away from the bitch big noise types, but I do try to get on with everyone. The other types of people who come under this rule to are the "enforcers" as I call them , the people who leech themselves onto other people and sneak around trying to get into other peoples good books (yes people?). I tend to avoid people like this too.Which leads to the second rule....

2. Never judge a book by it's cover

Were all different. Some people look and make judgements right away. Some people like to look a little deeper. Some people pick and pick till there's nothing left to pick at, and some people are a relentless onslaught on your emotions. I'm a step back kind of girl. I analyse and psychoanalyse and then some. But it's a matter here of be careful what you ask-do you really want to know everything about someone in the first five minutes that you meet, or would you rather get to know someone slowly?

3. If you can't be honest-shut the hell up

One of the things that really gets under my skin is people who try to make themselves out to be better than they are. I live in a terraced house, I'm not going to make it out to be a mansion somewhere, I am working class, in the fact that I live in a terraced house and that my parent earns less than a certain amount of money. I'm also a geek and a bit of a loser which I'm not afraid to broadcast to the world wide web. I read books rather than watch telly, I'd rather stay in than get hammered, but do get hammered occasionally. I'd rather people tell it straight and not hide anything. I have recently met one lady who said that I should "grow a pair". I thought it was the funniest thing I ever heard simply because she was very right.

So these are Beth's golden rules. I know I've just ranted again but I feel better for it! More poetry next time and thanks for reading :)

Relationships....Friends and more

I am definitely NOT the best person to give relationship advice. I don't even bother any more. I've come the conclusion that I'm a train wreck waiting to happen when it comes to love so I don't bother. It doesn't stop me from writing about it though. Love is a really strange word. It means really little. I tell my friends I love them all the time in the sense that I would probably be crap without them. I love my mum, my home, some of my possesions, and to all extents and purposes my life. So I have come to the conclusion that you can use the word differently in hues of grey. Anyhoo before I give you my femenista versions of what love is then I want to give you some poetry to think about. Some of it is about one of my ex-es and a date we had a very long time ago. Some of it is just random thoughts (I am using the word random again and for this I apologise profusely). So here we go. All about love, finding it, keeping it and loosing it.

Ads and Fads

"Perfectionist ego, female seeks male"

Joyously singing

I and here-Someone must have noticed

by now

-----

Plump but perfection as God Created

Just another desperate Gill

Seeking her Jack, only in print,

Of Course

Obscure and silent, she twiddles her thumbs,

Where is he? Why hasn't he rung?

-----

Gazing he catches her eye

Love? No embarrassment over coffee

Fluttering false eyelashes

Stutters and Spittles

Then in a flash

Jack meets Gill,

In print?

No, over a pint in the pub,

Of course...

-----x-----

Freedom

Dedicated to Daf

The sun shines through the morning clouds,

The rain has cleared away

The summer wind plays through my hair

The birds are out to play

Your fingers intertwine with mine

Were listening to the sea

I'm laughing when you trip and smile

And lay the blame with me

------

The sand is wet under my feet

Were running on the beach

The footprints tract for miles and miles

Your always in my reach

We turn to head towards the car

Your squinting in the sun

I'm looking at your big brown eyes,

Relaxing, having fun

------

We stop and watch a cricket match

A little further down

You turn to me and kiss my cheek,

My head starts spinning round.

You lift me up upon your back

And sink into the sand

I giggle then and hold you tight

You run towards the band

------

The music, heady steady beats

Is playing in my head

And I'm still writing poetry whilst laying in my bed

The day we spent upon the beach

In childish reverie

It took me back and made me smile

As I felt truly free

-----x-----

Stranger

Encompass me

I know nothing of your cynical insecurities

Torture the thoughts that grow

Somewhere incomprehensible that

Only your virgin eyes touch

------

What do you know?

That no one else could possibly understand?

Which secrets do you hide?

Under that flaxen coat

And unshaven aftermath

------

Do you see me?

Before you pass unwavering?

Seeing everything those

Secrets of desire

crumble

------

Age old Innocent

Purer than the driven snow

Yes we knew each other once

We were a long time ago

Lost souls on the road to nowhere

Comprehending everything

Now,

We pass

Un-Acknowledging and cold

Suburban lovers

Urban strangers

------x-----

Safe

A little time to call my own

Not without company never alone

Hold me tight

Without the resilience

I put up no fight

-----

I'm safe when your near me

I'm falling no more

My place is familiar

I'm welcomed, secure

I turn in to kiss you

Your lips welcome mine

And shivers of laughter

Run, chilling my spine

------

Our lips locked together

Our bodies as one

Entwining our souls now,

We sing the same song

The harmony strengthens

Each moment with you

The chords that your striking

Are making me new

------

And melting my heart

Compose me a symphony

Respecting my art

Our souls are in unison

rhythmic and free

Encompass the bars that were

lost within me

-----

I feel your soul shudder

Crescendo, release

And smile as I'm certain

That I am at peace

I'm safe in your arms now

Forever awake,

Assured in the knowledge,

The music we make

-----

My home is within you

Your sanctity mine

Such blessed surrender

Together we shine

-----x-----

Erm....I really don't know where that last one came on. My demon is a naughty boy....

F1 Grand prix 2009

Just a quick post-if you want tickets there are 1 day tickets available 19th-21st

https://tickets.silverstone-circuit.co.uk/EventSeatBlockPrices.aspx

See you next Friday!

On being random.....

Random : Having no specific pattern, purpose, or objective: random movements. Also a mathematical probability or sequence of events

Why is it that random things always happen to me? I think when I was put together someone up there must have been having a laugh. I come out with the most prolifically stupid comments and feel the need to apologise for them, just because they were going through my mind at the time. I daydream a lot, mostly this is good and I go with it and then write whatever down. I sing descant to my i-pod unbeknown to me which makes people look at me in a strange way. I've had conversations having phoned friends mobile numbers only to find I was phoning and Emma or an Andy, but not the Emma or Andy that I was trying to phone.....I even ran over a cat on my driving test.....Do I possess the worst luck in the world? Although good things happen to random people some times.

To explain to you what this means I'll give you a synopsis of the last seven days.

Thursday: In London some old man started stroking my hair on the bus on the way to Nutford house Halls in Brown street. I jumped out of my skin and immediately swept up my hair. He laughs and asks me if I would sell my hair to him as it would make a lovely wig and there was lots of money in human hair. Luckily I had Mags there who is one of my loudest friends who told him to get off in some vernacular or another. Spent the next ten minutes hoping the guy didn't have a pair of scissors of any sort behind me.

Friday: After spending most of the day in bed which was amazing and maybe a bit lazy, I went to the hairdressers. Asked the hairdresser for a trim up to my elbows. Apparently the girl was in training and cut it in a line from the middle of my left arm to my right elbow (was thinking that perhaps she was also perhaps blind and standing on one leg at the time?). Got a free haircut out of it in the end but 7 inches gone-which means that Thursdays guy could have had his hair after all.

Saturday: Downloaded almost £40 of music on to an mp3 and put the mp3 on my keyring. Bent down to lace up my trainers. I must have left the keys on the floor. When I went to grab them they were gone. Looked everywhere for them. As I was on the way out ghost hunting I though hey hang on this is spooky! As I had almost given up my Labrador came bounding by with something in his mouth....no more tiny mp3 player....

Sunday: After a nights ghost hunting in Gainsborough I fell asleep on the bus on the way back. Unfortunately I was in the window seat and in a vest. Burnt the left half of my face and one arm and had to walk from the bus through Wrexham to the car :(

Monday: Spent the day studying mostly in the library so you would think I was safe there. Returned home and spent some time in the garden surrounded in books, and went for a run. As the sun went down my elbows turned red-who else burns their elbows?

Tuesday: Sitting in an English exam writing away. I forgot that I had put my mobile in my bra on silent for safe keeping. Almost jumped out of my skin when it vibrated half an hour before the end with a text message. I won't be doing that again in a hurry but I almost had a fit of giggles.

Wednesday: This one is my fault again but got random during an IM. Thinking what I was going to put on in the morning and actually typing it out. Oops-sorry to the person in question for my mental ineptitude!

So it's again Thursday and I've already been late for 1 tutorial this morning which is my bad because I was up late last night. This has just been a brilliant example of one of my weeks! No poetry today. Just a moan from me to you :) Things must improve soon!