That's my excuse, well no actually it's not. It's been too hot to sit indoors on the PC (still waiting for the safe return of my macbook the saga continues and will probably end up in the small claims court). But it hasn't stopped me from writing. Neither has full time employment which sucks by the way. There should always be a place for a trending topic on twitter #reallifesucks.
This week I have been walking up Snowdon in a random act of madness , on the phone to the computer company/roayl mail trying to find out where my Macbook IS, chucking a part time job at a well known chain of hand made sandwich shops and starting full time employment found by GAP recruitment. Thank you Gap, for allowing me to make enough money to survive a semester in University! I finished Jane Eyre, and P.S. I love you (read for the hundredth time and highly recommended to anyone!) and I wrote these. A bit mushy some of them but I wrote them whilst listening to SafetySuit which is my new obsessive music (thanks Elena by the way). Did you know that we have to download the album in the UK? Or import it from the US. No fair!! Anyway I digress.
NB> The first poem is a tribute to the slate quarries of wales Llechen Lâs-blue slate, swper chwarel-traditional welsh meal when the men returned from their jobs, grâs-grace, capel-chapel, cymuned-community.
Llechen Lâs
In the homestead the hearth is the heart
The fires burn daily,here in crimson colours
Red, golden, ochre,yellow
They sit and wait communing in a lost language
Whilst on the windows sleet is blown in torrent.
They wait in return for the men of the
Llechen Lâs
To eat swper chwarel
To break bread with the grâs
The kettle now hisses and whistles, reaching fever pitch
Awaiting the men to return
-----
The chatting, it ranges from children to war
All women together, the keepers of the home,
Laughing in the gloomy pewter room
talking of capel and cymuned
Giggling through their problems despite the gloom
Whilst the wind whistles and howls around the small cottage
Llechen Lâs
It binds them together
And now it seems they are lost forever
In the memories of their children
And their grandchildren who talk "proper" English
Attending Universities and Collages thanks to their sweat and tears
------
Collecting the best china one of them founders,
Placing it back in the dresser without a second glance
Outside the sleet sweeps the hillside
Covering lush green hills in blankets of white
He's not coming home tonight
Llechen Lâs
Took his life
And now she is a wife without a home
And four children to raise on her own
She will be proud, her man died to ship the slate
We forget, the forgotten hearth, now cold and ashen.
-----x-----
Insecure
Everyone needs somewhere to call a home
A comforter, a homestead where their not alone
A part of a sanctuary where they are free
Where they belong, where they see,
They are loved.
-----
What happens to those when the nests ripped to shreds?
Nowhere to run with the burden in their heads
No place to turn when they need a friend
Where they can rest, where they can mend,
Where is the love?
-----
Where do we turn when we feel insecure?
Do we move on? In search of acquaintances newer?
And what occurs if they're rejected?
Run into the ground and disrespected.
Where is my love?
-----
At the lowest of points, a bright light will shine,
When you will be found and you will be fine
And you will be taken back into the warmth
A safe place, a homestead, a hearth
Where there is love.
-----x-----
Fables
My hand reaches out for you
But your not there,
It shouldn't surprise me
You no longer care
It shouldn't enrage me
You left me alone
It shouldn't affect me
But as I've shown
It does
And always will
------
Are you there with her now?
In her open arms?
Is she more appealing?
Does she have more charms?
It shouldn't confound me
But you know that it does
It burns me so
You'll never know
It does
And always will
------
I close my eyes, breathing calming
controlling my heart
It's beating,erratic
Within it a dart
Of poison directly from your
ready gun.
Seeping through my ready veins
Into every cell, every part
It burns
And always will
-----
You hope I'll forget you
In time I will heal
What do you want me to do?
What do you want me to feel?
I'm fuming
I'm jealous
I'm dying inside
I miss you
But I will survive,
I always will
-----x------
Goodbye
Every touch could be the last,
All our hello's are goodbyes
Aching to touch you for one last time
The humanity in me says Stop
look further, dig deeper, work harder
------
Searching your soul for some sense of reprieve
when it doesn't come
will you still be with me?
Are you a part of some huge master plan?
Look further, dig deeper, work harder.
------
Thinking of things that my heart
is scared to touch
Thoughts of your arms around me
I want you too much
Look further dig deeper, work harder
-----
Reaching out, are you there?
Hear my call you must be somewhere?
Are you missing me?
Will it ever be?
Look further, dig deeper, work harder.
------
In the end it breaks me too
Waiting to get the whole of you
I want, I need, I despair
You breathe
Look further, dig deeper, work harder
------x-------
You
I don't know where to begin
For you the words don't come
You caught me unaware
And saw me in the light of the sun
Saw me, for who I am
And I you.
-----
The way you look at me,
That smile on your face
The pedestal you place me on
I'm falling from grace
You see me, for who I am
And I you
-----
The words you whisper
In my ear
Are comforting, warming me
I feel no fear
You see me, for what I am
And I you
-----
Your embrace around me
Making me feel sublime
You pull me closer
Give me more time
You see me, for the woman I am
and I you
-----
I'm falling-
Never fallen before
I don't want to stop
Of this fact I'm sure
You see ME, The Me that I am
And I thank you
-----x-----
Enough for now I think It's stopped raining and the dog needs a run!
