What am I doing again

Shit, fuck and arseholes. Those are all some words I can use to describe today, although those words aren't really describing anything. My blue days are thankfully getting farther and farther in between, but you see it's my mother's birthday on Friday. And Mother and I don't exactly see eye to eye. To be frank, she's a manipulator. Not only did my other blog and the naughty poetry on there get read out to an entire class today, which made me want to disappear into the chair I was sitting on, but mother decided to phone and remind me that it was her birthday on friday and that if I was going to send her a card, that it should contain some of the money nanna Pierce left me. Yeah mum whatever.

The fact that you've drunk most of what you've earned is no longer my problem.

The fact that you never remembered any of my birthdays unless you wanted anything, imperative.

The fact that you want me to forgive you again after the last time. Debatable. There's always a next time.

So if you do happen to meander by my blog, like you used to read my diaries, journals poetry wtc before you set alight to them. I hope you know there is no gift coming for you from London. No card. No money for you to go out and get more inebriated and shag the brains out of any old tramp.

As far as I'm concerned it should be you where nanna is now.

You never wanted me.

I never had a choice.

Goodbye Year and All That Jazz

Ahhh..a new year and still blogging, well sort of as I seem to be getting a bit laid back with this blogging business. I wanted to write something prolific, the last year has been surprisingly good for me. I moved out of home, became free of a dogma, and that's possibly the best word for it; went to Uni, passed my exams as history repeats itself quite often I'm awaiting the results of my first year exams as we speak and with a profound lack of anything special or important to do, I decided to pay a tribute to last year. 2009, what a good year. My highlights well, meeting and keeping Alistair, for keeps I hope, finding freedom, developing my writing style and getting to know who I am a little better. Time and tide waits for no man.

2010, what will this bring? Well so far snow, and lots of it and ice, I have the bruise on my bum to prove it! Also 2010 brings time for a bit of reflection, and with that for me, comes a new batch of poetry. I hope that you enjoy! :)

Goodbye

Observe in silence.

Watch stonily as the room fills with smoky ghosts.

Your memories shattered and broken

like the shards of glass around your feet.

Amuse yourself as the dust settles in sheets around the room

on the flames of your long forgotten photographs.

Your eyes focus hazily on the morning light

Pouring through the drawn shutters.

The faces smile, nameless in their frames,

They once laughed, cried,

As you now do.

-----

Look within.

Mend the part that is broken.

Fix the cog that fails to keep time.

Dance to the rhythm of life ticking in front of you

Keep it from escaping.

Erase all your demons,

the ones who keep you grounded in the same spot.

Until there is nothing more

But empty words

and notions.

------

As you sit with your pondering,

Listen to your echoes,

The ticking of the clock as time passes.

You get no younger, it pauses for no-one.

Let the ghosts walk around you, for now

feeding the flames of your deadened brain,

Mingle with them, stroke the ashes, feel their pain

of remembrance. The bite of reverence.

Re-fuel your desire to begin, once again.

Whole,

Clean,

Meaningful.

-----

Let is pass, finally,

Washing over your thoughts like spring rain

Waking that dead broken part,

That dead year and its embers.

Stand up, in the light of the morning,

as the new year dawns before you

Face it as the spirits now fade

Those memories that YOU made

Foundations YOU laid.

Move on and wipe that dust off your familiar faces,

Let it go,

Goodbye.

Eternal

Look over your shoulders

take care of the fear

it will make you mad.

Don't run from security

Don't run from the fight

Face up to the things that

Give you bad dreams at night.

Hold on to the precious,

Fight on for your sanity,

Your battle precarious

don't loose your humanity.

It's worth battling forward,

with each little step

Is a move towards freedom

A change in the season.

So hold eternity in the palm of your hand,

happiness awaits, like the turning of sand

in the timer of life, you know how to be strong

Life waits for no one,

You know I'm not wrong.

And although the road less travelled seems the harder path

Take risks, cry, laugh,

become the one person you've wanted to be

Find your strength and your eternity

In me.

Detail

I let my finger follow the curve of your lip,

That bow, cupid arched for me, the pout

of the small bridge of your lips,

with which you smile and make laughter.

The small pink buds that make me tingle

when your voice escapes them.

I've studied their art, long and hard;

small lines at their edges in deep

happy creases,

The warmth of the thin skin on mine,

the tenderness of their angles.

-----

I follow up to your eyes,

Again following the shallow lines that form,

and small shadows from your endeavours.

I am mesmerised by the deep chocolate warmth

smiling as you look at me with the same intrigue

Looking at the kaleidoscope of patterns that swallow me

whole, and hypnotise me to them.

They envelope me, caress me without touching

Such sensitivity; rare in most, apparent in those eyes.

------

Under my fingers, the smoothness

and finesse of your skin,

warm against my coolness

reciprocating my touch with it's goose flesh

small hairs raising to my touch as I explore

wanting to know more.