It's too hot to be indoors.....

That's my excuse, well no actually it's not. It's been too hot to sit indoors on the PC (still waiting for the safe return of my macbook the saga continues and will probably end up in the small claims court). But it hasn't stopped me from writing. Neither has full time employment which sucks by the way. There should always be a place for a trending topic on twitter #reallifesucks.

This week I have been walking up Snowdon in a random act of madness , on the phone to the computer company/roayl mail trying to find out where my Macbook IS, chucking a part time job at a well known chain of hand made sandwich shops and starting full time employment found by GAP recruitment. Thank you Gap, for allowing me to make enough money to survive a semester in University! I finished Jane Eyre, and P.S. I love you (read for the hundredth time and highly recommended to anyone!) and I wrote these. A bit mushy some of them but I wrote them whilst listening to SafetySuit which is my new obsessive music (thanks Elena by the way). Did you know that we have to download the album in the UK? Or import it from the US. No fair!! Anyway I digress.

NB> The first poem is a tribute to the slate quarries of wales Llechen Lâs-blue slate, swper chwarel-traditional welsh meal when the men returned from their jobs, grâs-grace, capel-chapel, cymuned-community.

Llechen Lâs

In the homestead the hearth is the heart

The fires burn daily,here in crimson colours

Red, golden, ochre,yellow

They sit and wait communing in a lost language

Whilst on the windows sleet is blown in torrent.

They wait in return for the men of the

Llechen Lâs

To eat swper chwarel

To break bread with the grâs

The kettle now hisses and whistles, reaching fever pitch

Awaiting the men to return

-----

The chatting, it ranges from children to war

All women together, the keepers of the home,

Laughing in the gloomy pewter room

talking of capel and cymuned

Giggling through their problems despite the gloom

Whilst the wind whistles and howls around the small cottage

Llechen Lâs

It binds them together

And now it seems they are lost forever

In the memories of their children

And their grandchildren who talk "proper" English

Attending Universities and Collages thanks to their sweat and tears

------

Collecting the best china one of them founders,

Placing it back in the dresser without a second glance

Outside the sleet sweeps the hillside

Covering lush green hills in blankets of white

He's not coming home tonight

Llechen Lâs

Took his life

And now she is a wife without a home

And four children to raise on her own

She will be proud, her man died to ship the slate

We forget, the forgotten hearth, now cold and ashen.

-----x-----

Insecure

Everyone needs somewhere to call a home

A comforter, a homestead where their not alone

A part of a sanctuary where they are free

Where they belong, where they see,

They are loved.

-----

What happens to those when the nests ripped to shreds?

Nowhere to run with the burden in their heads

No place to turn when they need a friend

Where they can rest, where they can mend,

Where is the love?

-----

Where do we turn when we feel insecure?

Do we move on? In search of acquaintances newer?

And what occurs if they're rejected?

Run into the ground and disrespected.

Where is my love?

-----

At the lowest of points, a bright light will shine,

When you will be found and you will be fine

And you will be taken back into the warmth

A safe place, a homestead, a hearth

Where there is love.

-----x-----

Fables

My hand reaches out for you

But your not there,

It shouldn't surprise me

You no longer care

It shouldn't enrage me

You left me alone

It shouldn't affect me

But as I've shown

It does

And always will

------

Are you there with her now?

In her open arms?

Is she more appealing?

Does she have more charms?

It shouldn't confound me

But you know that it does

It burns me so

You'll never know

It does

And always will

------

I close my eyes, breathing calming

controlling my heart

It's beating,erratic

Within it a dart

Of poison directly from your

ready gun.

Seeping through my ready veins

Into every cell, every part

It burns

And always will

-----

You hope I'll forget you

In time I will heal

What do you want me to do?

What do you want me to feel?

I'm fuming

I'm jealous

I'm dying inside

I miss you

But I will survive,

I always will

-----x------

Goodbye

Every touch could be the last,

All our hello's are goodbyes

Aching to touch you for one last time

The humanity in me says Stop

look further, dig deeper, work harder

------

Searching your soul for some sense of reprieve

when it doesn't come

will you still be with me?

Are you a part of some huge master plan?

Look further, dig deeper, work harder.

------

Thinking of things that my heart

is scared to touch

Thoughts of your arms around me

I want you too much

Look further dig deeper, work harder

-----

Reaching out, are you there?

Hear my call you must be somewhere?

Are you missing me?

Will it ever be?

Look further, dig deeper, work harder.

------

In the end it breaks me too

Waiting to get the whole of you

I want, I need, I despair

You breathe

Look further, dig deeper, work harder

------x-------

You

I don't know where to begin

For you the words don't come

You caught me unaware

And saw me in the light of the sun

Saw me, for who I am

And I you.

-----

The way you look at me,

That smile on your face

The pedestal you place me on

I'm falling from grace

You see me, for who I am

And I you

-----

The words you whisper

In my ear

Are comforting, warming me

I feel no fear

You see me, for what I am

And I you

-----

Your embrace around me

Making me feel sublime

You pull me closer

Give me more time

You see me, for the woman I am

and I you

-----

I'm falling-

Never fallen before

I don't want to stop

Of this fact I'm sure

You see ME, The Me that I am

And I thank you

-----x-----

Enough for now I think It's stopped raining and the dog needs a run!