Ok so something bad happened. For those who I've told you know and I don't need to be telling everyone. After that it was sort of limbo for me until I found twitter. On twitter I found some of the most brilliant and fantastic people I have ever met. People that I would gladly do favours for. Girls and boys you know who you are. This poetry and the poetry on my other blog has just come out of me since twitter. Bizarre? Yes, but I'm happy to have my poetry demon back again. Even though he keeps me up all night some nights-he's the only man that can!!
So some post tweeting poetry for you dedicated to all my girls and boys:
To and unknown soldier
I have been numb for so long,
Unfeeling, hard, stolen so young
Cold unwanted untouched and unloved,
Young but so old
Carrying the weight of so many
On my small shoulders
-----
I scream and no one hears
I cry and no one cares
I slip into her icy fingers
too readily, giving myself up forever
wanting to disappear
Willing myself into the black.
-----
Then you came
Erasing my doubt, my fears dissipating
In the morning light
You raised me up where I needed to be
Higher than I have ever been before
Letting me float in the breeze
And hope that somehow you
loved me.
------
Still I am doubtful
I ruin kindness and I run
from the unknown
Afraid to commit too much
Of a part of my heart that is closed
Afraid to uncap the hurt I have
to pour on another
The hurt that I have lived with
for a long time
-----
Patience and understanding
Is unknown to me thus far
As no one ever touched the me
I ruined from the start.
-----x-----
My Vampires
We talk in many languages
We never break the peace
We always see our solitude
As wonderful release
Were ancient as the monoliths
The burial mounds of old
------
Were glorious as the sunrises
And barley fields of Gold
We move in silent reverie
In whispers on the wind
Were many whom are virtuous
And many who have sinned.
We know of your distractions
The yearnings and the lust
You mortal men just live a while
Before you turn to dust
-----
You dare to think us lonely
Were One my dear you see
You think us passing nomads
But we are really free
Were called by many adjectives
For we have no true name
The truth in honest daylight
Is that we are all the same.
-----x-----
The Quiet One
You see my facade
The bright energetic reverence
You look at the mask
the daily application of face
heart on sleeve
No deeper
You laugh at the jokes
Naive but humorous
Happy, but dying inside
-----
Did you ever wander
Whatever lay beneath
what stirs in weeping willows
And shadows of the lush green trees
Did you bother looking
In the bright azure eyes?
For hopeful reassurance
Did you see the lies?
-----
Can you hear the quiet one?
Does she even speak?
My voice is lost in mono drone
A macabre dance
one step forwards and three steps back
Scratching the surface
Truth becomes your lie
Did you ask the questions of
the one in reverie?
What are you tomorrow?
What do you mean to me?
-----
For I am the quiet one
just longing to exist
My hands on either side of me
Just balled into a fist
I hide in many corners
I wait for peaceful times
He'll come and take my mask away
And ease me of my crimes
-----
Whilst others overlook me
And undermine and fear,
The quiet little country girl
Is getting very near
It's not a threat of anarchy
There will not be a fight
If you looked into my eyes
You would have seen I'm right
-----
I am the quiet one
You misunderstood
I took off my mask
And raised up my hood
YOU asked the wrong questions
I told you no lies
You thought that you knew me
So now it's goodbye.
-----x-----
Virtual Reality
I open my heart
On a regular basis
I uncover my soul
But I am in stasis
My life is laid out
In a few random bytes
For all to uncover
In monitor lights
------
Uncover too much
In this virtual world
A person in transit
All hopes are unfurled
But questions arise as to
Who's being "real"
Who's pushing the buttons
And making you feel?
------
And so it feels oddly
So lost on so few
It gives us an insight
Of who's really who
And if your already
A little confused
It feeds paranoia
And mayhem ensues
------
Because there are players
Apart from the game
And lurkers and Stalkers
And those with NO name
Who try to deceive you
And make you a fool
Who try to befriend you
And break every rule
------
This is the world
Of virtual reality
Soon trailing off
To sublime insanity
Where you could become
Someone your not
The world of the sleepless
The world of the bot
-----x------
Dad
Before I write a eulogy
To one who was so great
Allow me a few tears as I stand by your grave,
The flowers in my hands
Will soon turn to dust
The car that you left me will soon turn to rust
-----
You left me with something
More precious than these
So allow me please to shed some of my tears
I know that you loved me
Your one of the few
The grass on your graveside is covered in dew
------
The memories are golden
Your light was so bright
Even the few hours before you lost the fight
A short time I knew you
You were stolen away
In the heatwave last year in that bad month of May
-----
I remember your cuddles
I remember your laughs
I even remember how you cheated at cards,
You taught me of fast cars
You taught me respect,
You made me a person I hope is adept.
-----
But I miss you daddy
As I stand by your grave
The loss hits me harder that a gigantic wave
I fell so alone now
It feels very wrong
Without you to guide me I'm loosing my song
-----
So I lay the flowers
And kiss your headstone
And tell you I'm sorry to leave you alone
I take with me the memories
And lock them away
With the sound of your laughter I'll share it someday
------
I've failed to encompass
In these few odd lines
How fantastic my daddy was in his time
You left and a darkness
Surrounded my heart
I'm sorry to tel you it tore me apart
-----
I'm hoping your proud of me
Wherever you are
I still bring you flowers I now DRIVE the car
The darkness that came
Well, it's gradually lifting
And now when I talk I'm certain your listening
-----
If you are out there
Just know that I cared
I couldn't stay with you till you were not there
I wanted the laughter
To stay in my head
Not the dad that lay there in that hospital bed
-----
So I'll say adieu now
I love you so much
I'll carry you with me in writing and such
And please keep your music
And laughter, just near
Because these are the things that your beanie held dear.
-----x-----
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